Among the first things I had to do for the 2003 post-comps bonfire! Fire!! FIRE!!!! (Um, heh-heh.  Sorry about that.)---was to determine whether or not is was LEGAL.  So, I found myself traveling from one state institution to another--all with the same simple question.  (ANYONE who has dealt with ANY extension of what the United States has the audacity to call a government, can't help but know of the almost surreal level of incompetence invariably encountered.) Finally, after several visits, then countless forwards and recallings, I got to have the following conversation:

Government functionary: Hello?

Me: Hello, yes. -We've just had our comprehensive exams, and we want to celebrate by having a very large bonfire.  -And we want to do everything correctly---so, we'd like to know if: one, it's legal, and two, if we need any permits--or anything like that.

Government functionary: In the state of Alaska, one does not need any permits for a warming, or a cooking, fire.  So, if you want to throw some weenies in there, or sacrifice any virgins, then you're all set.

Me: I *LOVE* Alaska---a state where you don't need any permits to sacrifice virgins.

Government functionary: Well, we have a very politically correct government---so it's not worded that way.  -But the intent and legality is there.  You can also have a signal fire---but if you were burning your trash, or something like that. . . .

   Now that was one of the coolest conversations I have ever had in my entire life--and all spontaneously with a government functionary---remarkable.  I was afraid that I would NEVER be able to share this with the world (i.e. put it on my web page)--not in this condition of fascist mind control, "political correctness," we are forced to live under--without opening myself up to [a] gross liability [suit].  However, I talked with counsel (funny--how one has to speak with a laywer, to partake of one's fourteenth amendment right to freedom expression on a PRIVATE WEBPAGE---but there you have it), and--since I never specified the gender of the virgins in question, and since we all know that these laws and colossal lawsuits are all for establishing EQUALITY between all genders and races . . .


. . . I cannot be credibly sued for the above statement(s).  (So WHERE is that CONSTITUTION?)