Over the past couple of years, I have been slowly, but steadily, going stone-cold deaf. And thanks to the _absolutely_ _wonderful_ "health care system" for a grad student here at the University of Alaska Fairbanks--in fact, in the United States in general--I can't even afford to find out why. So, I might be going deaf senselessly--from an easily treatable cause; I can't even find out. -Just another in a long line of obscenities from what is--supposedly--the greatest country in the world. :P
_AN-Y-WAYS_. . . . Hearing is a "non-conscious process"--your brain fills in the words it thinks it has garnered from the raw sensory input it receives. As my hearing has failed, my mind has been forced to "fill in the gaps" with less and less information. So, I am getting more and more "nonsense phrases"--sort of like "completion," in the case where someone slowly goes blind. Some of these are real gems ( :) )--so, I thought I'd make the best of a truly disgusting situation, start writing them down, and then share them with the world. I never knew that going deaf could be soo much fun! -Enjoy! :)
"Good guy," to "Villain": "I'm going to shake my meaty oven mitt at you!"
Where we had our groped local weapons.
You know--the suits with the sluts in the back.
John, come'ere Ming ping-pong balls (something further inaudible)
He's Bz (Okay--not so astounding, but for a space physicist. . . .)
Then they bum punched the competition.
I done bunged up your clothes.
It's like getting bear spray--_right_ in the bunghole. (Actually, it turned out that this was actually what was said!)
It's down there, heaven.
The butt was sacked--for two gold pieces. (Actually, it turned out that this also was actually what was said!)
Soon case day.
Saddle-up to the man with the Celt.
The main suspects, Ralph Nader
The only democracy outer coot.
The American Spirit. Piledrivers.
"Where do eggs come from?"
"Uh, chickens--didn't you know that?"
"No." (She was actually talking about AIDS--poor girl, whe may well avoid Kentucky Fried Chicken for life. :) )
Four pound beans.
Some restaurants mulch--and watch for bear.
I going to have to get my e-gone.
You're buzzing--So you're becoming a cow.
In the pay-office, could in the head.
I was motherboarding in Findland, last week.
All roads, must have the same number of polyps.
I have a lot of grass--to show Roger. (This gets even _more_ interesting--when one considers that she was talking about Dr. Roger Smith---the head of the Geophysical Institute! :) )
This [Alaska] is closer to Germany, than Finland is.
. . . innocent two or three parrots
Your bean bag's been untouched. (Actually--astoundingly--this was what was actually said! :) )
Wild beans--in your theater.
I have a wild thing, inside your leg.
Are your mountain of turds.
I've got to go repot my gramps.
I see you--with your midsection.
Yay! -It's going to be a fast.
I had to rape the shark--because it had my blanket. (I _really_ like that one. . . . :) )
I bought some crap--but I think it's imitation crap, and not real crap. (Actually, she was saying "crab. . . .")
I just had a sub with boobs.
Don't you believe in mating?!
My crest is hard.
Is that gay video game.
Do people sell lip cream?
I have a partial but-tocks--stuck in my teeths.